i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
