i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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