Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
