Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
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I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
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The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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