I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize