dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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