I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
