If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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