so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
