It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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