and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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