this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
