I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
