I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
