Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
