i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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