i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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