corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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