Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
