I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Randomize
