I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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