i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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