I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
