and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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