dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
