Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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