Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
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