bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
