toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
why didn't you poke me back
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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