Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
time to smoke my breakfast
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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