You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
