Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
