They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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