I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
