So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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