i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
