Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
