I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
