So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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