Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
