my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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