I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
