he shaved USA in his pubs
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Two words: blizzard sex
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
