Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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