I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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