I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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