Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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