I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
