got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
