the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
