Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize