I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
