two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
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Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
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Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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