shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
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