from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Your penis caused this!
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
