I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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