oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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