Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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