I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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