apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
