If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
