She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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