i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
