the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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