just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
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I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
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i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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