his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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